


To Stop And To Go On

by raendown



Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempted Suicide, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 22:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12198729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raendown/pseuds/raendown
Summary: The only use for time travel Kakashi ever considered was for fixing the mistakes of the past.





	To Stop And To Go On

It was strange to be so small again. His memories were of long rangy limbs, six feet of height, hair brushing the ceiling in smaller places. He didn’t remember how to properly function with such small stature, how to make his legs move faster. He needed to move faster.

Kakashi stumbled, ignoring the judging eyes of those who watched him while he hurtled across the village as fast as his tiny body could manage. He had to be _faster_. He’d spent years making an art of being late and now he so very desperately needed to be on time. The decades of training in his memories mocked him as his small lungs heaved for breath but he had no time to stop and draw air properly.

Faster.

 _Faster_.

A small pale hand reached out in front of him, so free of scars that he almost didn’t recognize it as his own. He could see after images of breaks and blood and contusions, could see the way his fingers would grow in to thin spidery digits with an unfailing grip. Right now it was unmarked and still innocent, pushing open the door to a home he had lost in an attack that hadn’t happened yet.

Sakumo raised his head when Kakashi burst in to the room, shock openly visible on his face. He made a small startled noise as his son threw himself on the floor by his feet, small hands reaching forward to grip tightly to the shining tanto pointed towards Sakumo’s midriff.

The two of them hung motionless, staring at each other for a short few seconds which lasted almost in to eternity. Sakumo blinked rapidly, unsure which emotion to pick out from the maelstrom inside his chest. Was he relieved? Disappointed? Ashamed? Scared? When he caught sight of the tears gathering in Kakashi’s eyes, he settled for nothing more than being very, very sorry.

“Kakashi-“

“I made it.”

“What?” He blinked in confusion as Kakashi gave a small hiccup, then furrowed his brows as tears began to fall from those soft silver eyes, mirror images of his own.

“I made it in time. I – no, Tōsan. Please no.”

“Kakashi you don’t-“

“I understand Tōsan.” Kakashi looked up at his father with eyes too old for the five years this body had lived. “But please don’t leave me. I still need you. I love you. Don’t _go_.”

Sakumo stared, flabbergasted. He felt too much, too full and too empty at the same time. His fingers loosened their grip on the tanto and he watched, detached, as Kakashi pulled it from him and flung it away in to the corner of the room with a quiet cry. Then all of a sudden he had a lap full of Kakashi, his child crawling up on to his legs to throw arms around his neck. Small sobs choked in his ear and wetness seeped down his neck and then –

The pressure released. Sakumo’s arms snapped around Kakashi, holding on to him for dear life as the room seemed to sway around him, the floor buckling beneath his legs. Had he really been about to take his own life? Right here on the floor of the home they shared with no one to find his corpse but his own small son? Sakumo shuddered at the image in his head. He could hardly believe himself or what he’d been only seconds away from. Ever since he’d returned from that mission, the one which changed the way the entire village looked at him, nothing had been the same. He’d been sinking further and further in to depression with each day that passed, unable to reach out to anyone for help.

He would have to now. He would seek help, his pride be damned, to remove the risk of anything like this happening again. How could he have even thought for a single moment of leaving his son?

“I’m sorry,” Sakumo whispered. “I’m so sorry.” He felt Kakashi shaking his head, then his little boy was pulling away from his neck, taking his face in between two hands already calloused by kunai, even at such a young age.

“You did the right thing Tōsan,” Kakashi said. “And I’m _proud_ of you. I don’t care what everybody else says. You will always be my hero.”

The tears came for him as well, then. Sakumo bit his trembling lip and sat very still as he cried, not wanting to move a single inch lest Kakashi release him. He felt as though his son were the only thing keeping him from flying apart at the moment. It took a few tries, a few gasping shaking breaths, before he could speak.

“When did you grow up, Kakashi?” he asked tremulously. Kakashi seemed to sigh and shift, the sadness in his eyes almost unfathomable. How could a five year old possibly hold so much ancient sadness in one look?

“I grew up while you were gone. I already lived without you, Tōsan. I wanted to get it right this time.”

The young boy lowered his hands and felt one corner of his mouth pull slightly at the confusion in his father’s face. He would have a lot of explaining to get through and a lot of quick talking to do to convince Sakumo he hadn’t spontaneously lost his mind. He didn’t care. He would talk until he was blue in the face and be happy for the chance to do it.

Because his Tōsan was alive. He’d done it; he’d saved Tōsan from taking his own life. And now Kakashi could live his life the way he should have, make up for the mistakes he had made in a past which never happened.

He would do it all with Sakumo watching proudly.


End file.
